Bifurcated Hypocrisy of the Day

From Ted, a commenter at Moonbattery:

Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Liberal doesn't like guns, they believe no one should have one.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a Liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.

If a Conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A Liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly enjoys life. If a Liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.

If a Conservative is a minority , he sees himself as independently successful. Their Liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A Liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A Liberal wants all churches to be silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A Liberal demands that his neighbors pay for his.

If a Conservative disagrees with a Liberal president, he is called a racist. When a Liberal disagrees with a Conservative president, it's patriotic dissent.

If a Conservative expresses his political view, he is called an idiot. A Liberal expressing his political views is expressing his right to Freedom of Speech.

To which I would add:

If a conservative wants to buy an NFL team he’s a racist, knuckle dragging drug addict. If a Liberal Obama supporter, pop tramp, confessed meth and sex addict that uses the “n” word in over half her repertoire,  wants to buy an NFL team she’s - pre-approved by the league!

Feel free to add your own favorite bifurcated hypocrisy in the comments section. I just love the word bifurcated: Hey O’Reilly, don’t bifurcate when you’re bloviating!

H/T Retriever, Big Hollywood